


us vs them

by healthydrugs



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Ichigo POV, M/M, Sad, Smoking, idk what this is honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/healthydrugs/pseuds/healthydrugs
Summary: they didn't know.





	

Did you know that I was prepared to throw you away?

 

To let you slip through the cracks of my fingers.

 

To give you back the sheet of warmth, safety, and affection you had me tightly wrapped in. 

 

To forget unbridled laughter, sharp smiles, and rough touches. 

 

To kick you out through my broken window along with all of the bullshit you planted in my life. 

 

No matter how much it would break me. 

 

I was willing. I was ready. And most of all, I was prepared. 

 

I was prepared for the tears, that dumb heartbreak everyone would always talk about, and I was prepared to go on in life with half a heart. 

 

Who cared about the other one right?

 

I didn’t need you.

 

I had great friends, a supportive family, a woman who was hopelessly in love with me, and I would go down to be a successful doctor. 

 

I didn’t need you. 

 

Not really. 

 

Did you know that I hated the way you smoked your cigarettes?

 

Newport. 

 

You smoked them anyway.

 

Whether or not I was there, smoke always followed you like a fleeting ghost that was chained to your feet. 

 

You’ve been smoking since you were nine, and if you were to lay out your lungs on an examination table, they no doubt would’ve been pitch black. 

 

Clogged, dirty, unhealthy, toxic. 

 

That’s what you were.

 

How, I wonder, is it that you were always like a breath of fresh air to me?

 

You weren’t that smart. 

 

You were a rampant bull.

 

You destroyed anyone and everything that got in your way.

 

You broke expectations like they were the iron bars of a cage. 

 

Uncontrollable, wild, free.

 

You weren’t a man of great ambitions or heroic intentions.

 

You lived life under your rules and no one else’s.

 

You didn’t care if you never contributed to history or if everyone you ever knew forgot about you. 

 

Sometimes, I wondered if you were human. 

 

Did you know that I knew where your bruises came from?

 

The black crawling across your skin like spiders.

 

The lilac is the sky, just before a sunrise.

 

The green matched the field of grass you liked to take naps on.

 

You never bothered to hide them.

 

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

 

Almost everyone I knew gave me warnings.

 

He’s no good, they say. 

 

He’s absolute trouble, they say.

 

“You’re going to be killed, and it’s gonna be all his fault,” someone told me once. 

 

Did you know that I knew your hair was natural?

 

Your mother.

 

You look exactly like her.

 

You never met her. 

 

Would you have wanted to?

 

So many questions, yet time has already ran out. 

 

I smile.

 

Hey, Grimmjow. 

 

Did you know that I was prepared to throw you away?

 

I watched your moves like a hawk, seizing any opportunity to run and never look back.

 

I think you knew that. 

 

I couldn't find one.

 

Maybe something is wrong with me.

 

You messed me up. 

 

Twisted me, mutilated me into something I could no longer recognize as myself.

 

I don’t think you knew that.

 

I don’t think I could ever kick you out, after all, you were the reason I broke my own window. 

 

I didn’t need you.

 

My friends think I need help.

 

They gave up on me.

 

My family is tired. 

 

My future is muddled. 

 

And Orihime is perfect. 

 

But she’s not you. 

 

And I need you. I’ve always did. 

 

Living with half a heart? No, it’d be living with none at all.

 

Doctor? What a joke. 

 

I need you. 

 

So bad.

 

Did you know that I hated the way you smoked your cigarettes?

 

The familiar scent of Newport. 

 

I think I grew used to them. 

 

You’ve been holding a cigarette up to your mouth, inhaling and exhaling, for nine long years. 

 

Quitting wasn’t an option for you.

 

But if I ever asked you to, I know you would’ve discarded them without a second glance no matter how painful it would’ve been.

 

Is it possible to gain withdrawals from cigarettes you never even smoked?

 

You weren’t that smart. 

 

You were witty, funny, sarcastic, strategic.

 

But you weren’t booksmart.

 

You weren’t, but why did I see pamphlets of colleges I applied for in the glove compartment of your car?

 

You were a rampant bull.

 

Uncontrollable, wild, free.

 

But when I held you around my arms and we slept soundly under the night sky, I wonder, were you mine then? 

 

Sometimes, I wondered if you were human.

 

What did I ever do to earn your touch, your kiss, your smile?

 

What did I ever do to meet you?

 

Did you know that I knew where your bruises came from?

 

Did you know that I knew why you were so alert around me?

 

You held my hand tightly that night and dug your face on my shoulder, wishing everything would be different. 

 

“I’m quitting. I promise. I don’t give a fuck. I’ll get out of this soon, baby, I promise.”

 

I believed you, even when I felt the hard, chilling metal of a gun strapped against your body. 

 

They told me you were a player.

 

You got someone pregnant.

 

You were gonna dump me and use me.

 

I knew that wasn’t true.

 

When I held your face in my hands that night and your hands were shaking, struggling to keep a hold of my hips.

 

“I- I don’t know what to do.”

 

I knew that wasn’t true.

 

“You’re going to be killed, and it’s gonna be all his fault,” someone told me once. 

 

I don’t think I would’ve minded if I died by your hands.

 

Your hurricane blue of a hair was natural, I knew.

 

Would you have wanted to meet the woman that abandoned you?

 

As I traced the scars and burns that adorned your back like the constellations in the sky, I knew. 

 

“Ha! If I ever met that woman, I would stand proudly before her and show her myself. That I wasn’t worth throwing away, that I didn’t need her, but I think I would thank her as well.” 

 

Something like that.

 

You were cold towards those that betrayed you, but you weren’t unforgiving.

 

I love you for that. 

 

Hey, Grimmjow.

 

I miss you.

 

Would you forgive me if I followed you?

 

I laugh.

 

Yes.

 

I would much rather burn in hell with you than spend an eternity without you in paradise.

 

I flick the lighter on, the spark and flame illuminating my darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> basically me being a poetic fuck and failing :)


End file.
